Welcome. I am so happy to be back! I think blogging is an outlet for me and definetly therapy. My no judgement zone to share my walks of my life. My views and or opinions to expound to other's in a safe place.
A lot has happened and can't wait to share. I pray all is well with you. I'd like to call this my 2Q meaning second quarter of 2021. My first 3 months I practiced self care. The picture above was in September 2020...celebrating my 60th birthday.Since last I've become certified fitness trainer. On this picture I appear happy fast forward this is not my reality now.
January I didn't proclaim as many do the New Year resolution I opted to become a better version. Taking down time to check in with my emotions especially being in the new norm of COVID. Learning to unwind what you have learned,living differently, teleworking,zoom,checking emails, voicemails, texts,cellphone and laptop. Yes multitasking. Feeling depleted after you anxiously log off. OH not to mention that 4:30 staff meeting your boss wants to have for 5 minutes that now is running way over an hour and into your weekend because some one has a question..YIKES!!! I didn't know if it was just me but I felt like I was in a sequel of Groundhog Day movie and a hamster on a wheel simultaneously. Day in day out going from bedroom, backroom, downstairs into the basement back upstairs oh maybe I'll work from the kitchen today. Trying not to complain about the new norm grateful for all the perks like ability to wear tee shirts, hoodies,sweats and leggings and don't forget the flip flops. Oh yes gas saving moments, mileage, repairs and not having to go out in the elements like the cold,rain or snow. No morning traffic in the hallways at my house like the highways YES YES YES I LOVE TELEWORKING!! Then I got comfortable logoff laptop cut on TV to check out cable. Forgetting what day it was, Netflix this Hulu that. Everything was shut down and everyone shut in with no place to go you attempt to become creative like most, For some introverts this was a big plus for them but as for me an extrovert it was FOMO for me...fear of missing out. Reprogramming my mind and missing my family friends and even the feeling comradery the fellowship of attending Church.
I did some DIY projects around the house but I became lost in time. I ventured out with a new routine as I begun to stay up later and later to watch TV. I had a lot of pinned up energy possibly or maybe it was fear driven energy or guilt of not making the most of the God given time to be still and spend time with HIM. Remember no Church was open it's online or conference calls for real now and the bonus was if you were late getting up well they have that covered too just tune in at your leisure. None of this was making sense. How much longer are we to live like this, is the world coming to an end and shouldn't I be productively doing something? What am I to do? I was aching for self care which I used to think was a lot of hoopla. All this shower pamper yourself, get rest, meditate ,work out, read a book. quiet time, soothing music, aromatherapy and a plant?? really hands on your knees criss cross but seriously I kept putting it off until I realize my health depended on it. Like prayer time, eating healthy, journal, I even learned to Youtube an aquarium on my smart TV scene of snow falling with music background or crackling fireplace and or raindrops with sounds of rain. Soothing sounds. Y'all know I am hype so I normally have my Spotify on my hype music but no a shift came. Long showers or baths with candles. Yes life happened and knocked me down. Often I wanted to stay there.
So here's the skinny.My first quarter was hard because I'd been given the task of learning to adapt with living without my Mom. She passed in October of 2020. This is the why behind the picture..it was like a TKO. LIFE HAPPENED,the wind knocked out of me. I didn't have my Dad or my Mom to help pick me up or help me to fix it. Yes the holidays were indescribable especially for me Christmas Carol who begins decorating and playing holiday music on October 31st of every year. So I got into a rut and needed peace from the pain of grief. It's no sprint but this is what I wanted...peace. Anxiously awaiting for the pain to go but every morning it would appear from no where waiting for my eyes to open. The label is PTSD she died of cancer in my arms and it was such a short time after knowing of her illness like 7 days later she was gone. There's so many layers of grief from social, emotional, psychological,physical to mental. My favorite saying is that I am rooted like tree in Jesus with unshakeable faith..well now my branches are the layers I must go though. I didn't have to work out much because I didn't have an appetite much. Being on survivor mode and not in touch with your feelings is a disservice. But I didn't have my prayer partner. How will I bounce back from this. Like I was wearing grief as my clothing now . I was worried about people judging me but the truth is people that care about you don't judge. So I pretended to be fine. Loss is such a blanket statement and you know that week off it wasn't enough to deal with it all but that was how I programmed my mind to keep my head up, chipper and ready for work next week. Maybe not chipper but approachable. I'd rehearsed what I'd say if anyone asked how am I... I'm fine thank you...lies lies lies. I just didn't want to belong to this club or dull anyone with sadness. The truth is grief never stops you must learn to cope. I don't need the sympathy but empathy feels better. Each one goes through it at their own pace. I like transparency which include being vulnerable yet I wasn't being proactive in tending to my internal feelings. I will attest to never liking the word therapy like people label you or their vibe is different they treat you fragile as if your gonna break or give you that sympathetic hug when greeting you, But I tell you the group therapy has been a bonus in my life. I have evolved knowing there's a community of grieving people young and old,all races, all walks of life rich and poor through out the diaspora. Between keeping Jesus #1 in my life, prayer, leaning on His promises and the scriptures of healing I am off to great 2nd quarter and now SELF CARE,,I get the importance of pampering myself, value my down time to read, pray,aromatherapy, spas, journal and i got some greenery pants around my rooms LOL. Self preservation And as my Mom was dying she begged that everyone take good care of their health. So I will honor that,
So my first quarter of 2021 went like this. January came I said no new resolutions I practiced gratitude. February came I loved everyone and everything and of course March...love love love this month. Affirmations MARCH ON, Spring is in the air, flowers blooming sunshine, season of Lent and then they announced you can get out cause everything is opening back up in the world, How can anyone not like this long month of 31 days. That was my declaration to get things in motion exercise podcast and BLOG. Yes, I started a podcast titled TamiTalk@libsyn.com and coming up on my 2nd season. I am in a good place. I have my days of being under the storm of clouds but it's getting better. Remember grief isn't a sprint or staycation. You must keep moving but at your own pace respectfully. Even the best athletes have to sit to ride the bench at some point of the game and get tagged back in.
So I just want to say WELCOME back and I sure missed our time but I am going to continue to Blog and I pray you stay tuned, May God continue to Bless each and everyone of you, ,.AND THANK YOU FOR BEING IN MY LIFE. Much love
XOXOXO
Comments