When you find yourself in that heated conversation that could easily turn into a real debacle how do you turn down the volume? Do you continue to engage in hopes you can both reach a resolution? How about the fact that not all disagreements will end on a good note? This is where we say we can agree to disagree. Debating isn't such a bad thing it's really healthy because communication is connecting. An action of emotions but not to be confused with letting our emotions lead us to a negative place that we end up regretting something we've said. That's why the good book says slowly to anger. Think before we speak and respond not react. When you are infuriated you don't think rationally you become impulsive which can cause explosive behavior. I'd think one would be cautious. Even if you just listen while the other is talking or both parties simmer down and breathe for a few it allows the dust to settle and you both gain clarity. Nothing gets resolved in chaos. Like we can sing together but talk simultaneously is destructive, Clearly, no one is listening.
Everyone has an opinion and wants to be heard and their viewpoints respected. So when it comes to people judging and labeling people with titles such as Nagging Nancy, Bossy Brenda, Petty Betty, AngrynArnold, Medlin Marvin, Grouchy Grace, JudgmentalJudy, Fussy Frank, Told you so Tom, Loudmouth Lucy, Angry Annie just to name a few, Where do we come up with these labels and assumptions. Where does the term angry black women syndrome come from? Is this myth or factual? Why is it the woman has to wear the angry hat? Are you fight or flight? Just because you go louder doesn't imply that you are correct.
What defines an angry black woman? Let's look at it this way it has been proven women have a lot on their plate. The balancing game is just what it is. You need to make post-it notes or notes to yourself on your cell phone as reminders for your to-do list. They say to keep your list simple. But how about the Mom that is single working multiple hours of overtime and or going to school while working and or has another full-time job or part-time job to go along with a full-time job for additional income? Here's the thing, she is the head of the household and got to transport kids everywhere so that makes her a chauffeur, that's title three she's wearing, she has to prepare meals, wait got to go to market for groceries OK, let's toss in insta-cart to save some energy cause she's already skating on thin ice with being tired, this saves time and gas. She has to assist with homework, declare bathtime and get to bed. She still struggling with the balancing act because when is it going her time for self-care she wants to get in bed at a decent hour to get her supposed to be what's supposed to be her much-needed and required hours of rest, Which she probably making it on 5 hours of sleep time and know this causes low productivity, lack of focus poor concentration not to mention agitation, Let's not talk about including self-care routine like skincare hair care down time just be still time. Does she even have adult time for a companion or her girlfriends to hang out to get that pinned-up energy out over some happy hour for drinks and Bon appetite? Who is there to take care of her? And you wonder why she's angry, loud, and standoffish, This laundry list of things can cause some people to take a double look because this is how she is showing up when she isn't getting assistance or is overstimulated. She often has to be both mother and father so she; used to being in a dominant role the alpha possibly aggressive because she is the leader of her house single parents often have to make decisions,
Another factor is kids emulate their environment so possibly she's loud because the household was a loud family. She misunderstood because she's assertive and that's how she was raised. She's strong because in her household there was no male figure and the women she saw in her family were take charge taking no mess and no time for foolishness alpha women. She may be tough on the exterior masking her brokenness on the inside. So she puts up a shield or a wall. I am sure most women want to display a softer side of themselves. This may sound dysfunctional but it's her normal it's her reality. So before you go saying what's wrong with her try this for a change what happened to her? Cause she is vicariously showing up. People have triggers being a single woman can be very traumatic carrying the weight on your shoulder, they may have experience abandonment issues betrayal abuse you don't know what's under the layers of hurt and pain. The discord they are projecting is why we should ask what happened not what's wrong with you. No one is perfect don't go thinking you're flawless. in unknown territory not knowing what's going to happen tomorrow. No help in sight, Like the total opposite if I don't say anything like stay to myself and quiet characteristic does it means I don't care or am not a team player? Does that come across as being aloof or offensive? Before you go judging try to imagine what another could be going through because believe me everyone s going through something and you don't know their breaking point. Let's not forget, it could be a medical condition. Menopause has been known to change a lot of women's behavior. Insomnia definitely is a corprit with this condition along with night sweats. Be kind. Kind words go a long way and possibly put a smile on someone's face.
Find your voice, some conversations are harder than others you made need to be silent but certainly don't allow someone else to be your barometer and push your buttons, Self controls the best behavior. So yes we are human so if you do react and do not respond in a mature respectful way then be accountable and apologize. Delivery is a key point. Be certain you say phrases such as I feel, Repeat back to the other person exactly what they said, I think I heard you say to take the blame off of the other person and don't go with you make me feel that's playing the victim. Listen before speaking this will prevent over-talking. You are never going to be right one hundred percent of the time and you don't need to always have the last word. Agree to disagree or at least compliment the other person for their viewpoints. Give undivided attention. Engage in resolution so, it isn't one-sided as if you have already checked out and dismissed all communication. Body language is imperative. Practice makes perfect the harder the conversations engage because you become better at articulating as well as navigating. You'll know when to stop or just smile and give two thumbs up and that's due to your decision to be pulled into this or Baby it's all yours. I'm good. Tomorrow isn't promised so heal from what's eating at you, talk about it once you began to suppress it this can have a negative effect on you mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and definitely physically. Your peace and happiness matter you must take ownership of that. Show yourself some compassion and good luck with the balancing act that takes consistency plus selfishness. Don't be bullied because we all know some people like to flex their title and or power as a way to muscle you. Use your voice to empower the truth plus you write the narrative with all due respect. Some people seek therapy, counseling, or a mediator. Also, accept criticism it's not personal with that being said don't make it a habit of finding flaws in others. They say truth hurt so be on the right side of the equal sign meaning come with the resolution, not just the problem.
Got to go,, until the next time BE GOOD TO YOURSELF AND OTHERS TOO.
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